It’s not your fault! Traumatic experiences are by definition unplanned, so there is nothing that you could have done to prevent it. Frequently a non-abusive caretaker will take on guilt because they feel they should have protected their child from bad things happening to them. But no parent can protect a child 100% of the time. So cut yourself some slack.

 

You can’t protect a child from everything – And you probably wouldn’t want to. Children need challenge; they need to take healthy risks in order to grow.

 

It’s not the child’s fault – Many people, including the child/victim, feel a sense of shame and guilt. That is why they are so reluctant to disclose. This burden of guilt and shame leads to avoidance, anxiety, and depression, and makes recovery more difficult.

 

Support and appreciate your child – Children who have been abused were betrayed by a person who should have treated them with greater care. They have had a shock to their emotional well-being that can affect their behavior. Children communicate through their actions, not words, so the child you love and are concerned for may act in ways that seem out of character.

 

You don’t have to tolerate bad behavior but expect that the child will find ways to express emotions that they are not prepared to cope with. The trauma-induced emotion, not the child, is the problem. Guide them to new ways of coping.

 

Listen! A hurt child is an anxious child, so adults need to be prepared to earn back their trust. We do this by listening and giving children our full attention.

 

Be open-minded – Trauma changes the developing brain. All children may come up with some pretty outlandish ideas. Still, the child who has been through trauma has something to teach us about resiliency, strength, and healing. We are constantly surprised by the wisdom of children.

 

Learn to laugh – Laughter is an involuntary response to surprise. Some aspects of coping after trauma can seem silly. But silly is good. Silly is being alive, and laughter builds resiliency.

 

Believe (in) your child – Few of us feel relieved when a child discloses sexual abuse. There is ambivalence and sometimes doubt. Try not to let that doubt impact your relationship with your child. It takes courage for a child to disclose, and children need support in knowing they did the right thing.

 

Take care of yourself – Children only have so much control over their environments. As a parent, guardian, or caretaker, you have the ability to keep the child’s environment safe, consistent, and nurturing. If you are not doing well your child cannot thrive.

 

Don’t give up, no matter what! – The families receiving treatment at Family Support Line all face setbacks, sometimes so severe that they feel like walking away. They want you to know that things do get better.