What do I say to others?
For many families dealing with similar situations as yours, the prospect of talking to others about what happened was very overwhelming and left them thinking things such as:
- “Should I tell them?”
- “Will they treat my child differently if they know?”
- “Will they think poorly of me?”
- “How much should I tell them?”
Before you make the decision to share this experience with others, talk to your child and allow him or her some choice about who is told, if your child is old enough to make that decision. Everyone heals at a different rate, and although you may be at a place where you are comfortable sharing with others, your child may not yet be there with you. If your child is younger and there is no publicity or public awareness of what happened, the choice is up to you what and when you share. Either way, it is important that your child knows which individuals you have talked to.
For those who make the decision to share with others, it’s important to keep in mind how the person you are going to share with usually reacts to stress. Common reactions may include hysteria, horror, rejection, sincere concern, embarrassment, disgust, disinterest or more questioning for intimate details. These reactions may be even stronger if the offender is a family member. If you know the person you want to share with will react in a negative way, you may not want to share the information with them unless it becomes necessary. Above all, regardless of with whom you choose to share with and what information you choose to share, it is important to respect your child’s sense of privacy.
Sometimes an extended family member is the first person to learn of the abuse. You may feel hurt that someone knew before you. However, understand that your child may have been trying to protect your feelings by telling someone else. Your child may have felt that the person could tell you in a less upsetting way than he or she could.